Wednesday, August 17, 2011
At first it was like a large black shadow following my son and I everywhere we went.
We'd go to the zoo or to the grocery store and there it would remain by our side.
I'd turn down a brightly lit aisle in an attempt to convince myself that it wasn't really there.
Yet, no matter how far I walked, or how much I tried to block it out, it still remained.
It was the black hole of the life we once had.
The third of our life that was no longer there.
It was looming, dark, and heavy and it took everything I had to not break down right there next to the cereal. It made me feel inferior to the shoppers around me walking by with all the parts to their whole.
But as time has gone by and new lights have floated in and out of our lives I notice it less and less.
Some days I don't notice it all all. Some days we are alone at home playing with trucks and talking about big tires and little tires and I feel totally complete.
But there are still moments- many, many, moments when I feel that darkness by my side.
And I push against it as hard as I can and hope it subsides for just a little while.