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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

the custodial parent




as we fumbled in the dark reaching for one another's bodies
back in California linear atop the memory foam mattress
charted fertility cycles in the laptop next to the bed

we never saw ourselves here

sitting on the thin carpet smelling of stale smoke
in the basement apartment that you now rent
being brought to tears as we pour over the paperwork

we never could have anticipated

you signing away your rights as a father
you trusting me enough to make the big decisions in his life
the relief in my bones as you told me "I could never take him away from you"

I've never respected you more

although we are awkward and uneasy when in the same vicinity
you are making this final chapter of our story as easy on me as possible
I still worry about you, you still tell me to drive safely

Thank you for setting me free. I now see you were right all along... 
we never belonged together. 

5 comments:

Becca said...

Oh my gosh, Carly. This broke my heart and brought me to tears and just... wow.

RaT Babies said...

What Becca said.

You are on my heart girl, and in my prayers.

Love you always.

Mama said...

Sending all my love to you <3

Leslie said...

This brought me to tears. You are truly amazing!! XO

Anonymous said...

My heart feels heavy and my mouth is dry. But I am relieved that you are adapting, growing and that there will be not fight. I want nothing but good things for all three of you, no matter what it may be.
-J9