It is possible to have a thousand thoughts running through your mind yet not possess the ability to make a single one of them fall out onto a canvas or a sheet of paper. It is easier to know he isn't coming home than to wait and worry all night. It is possible to have a best friend for seven years and then just stop talking to him cold turkey. Longterm life situations can blind you to the fact that you are compromising your identity. Strangers can build you up with their compliments faster than your closest friends. It is possible to be fully aware of your own failing mental health (yet be unable to do anything to stop it). A quiet period of total cleansing is necessary. Over the course of a year it is possible to grieve and set free every dream and expectation you had for your life. The people who are closest to you may be the least skilled in supporting you. Having a decision made is far better than living in limbo. You can only hold your breath for so long until you are left gasping for air. Hitting bottom can be a relief because then you know the worst is over.