Friday, January 7, 2011

Waiting for the call

So when does it all change? When do subtle insignificant daily habits distort into new rituals? 
You forget to give a goodbye kiss one day. Is that the start? 

In what moment in time does a significant other go from being the very axis in which the world revolves on, into someone you wouldn't mind having a few days away from?

the proposal 2005

Just exactly how long is the "You hang up first. No, you hang up first" stage supposed to last?

Does it all change when a certain level of maturity is reached in the relationship?
It is a matter of reality? growing up? the real world?

Does it have to change? Should it change?


Is the real world anything like the examples that have been shaped for us?
Option one: The couple despises each other and generally makes every attempt to maintain their own freedom. The Al and Peg Budies of the world.
Option Two: "True love," no conflicts, the amazingly thrilling butterfly sensation deep in your gut. Cinderella and her Prince...

Is there a middle ground in there somewhere?


And then there is the deeply confusing matter of expectations. 

Some people plan for and expect things to change. For the intense emotions to gradually fade into a flickering candle rather then a fireworks display. Could the world really function if all relationships were as thrilling as that first kiss? 

Other people are absolutely dumbfounded when feelings fade and The One suddenly seems just like everybody else. They feel forsaken, hurt, and even angry. The rug has been pulled out from right underneath them. They didn't see it coming. They long for the love that they once had. No other forms of  affection seem to compare to that initial feeling. 


Is it naïve to think that a marriage can maintain the level of happiness, excitement, and punch, that the first six months of dating provide? Are you jaded if you don't think so?

Is it wrong to strive for butterflies, weak knees, and exhilarating rendezvous? The kind that leave you unable to sleep...

Is it wrong to "only" strive for a slow and steady love? The kind that leaves you feeling grounded, secure, and warm all over...


Can two people, stemming from completely different sets of expectations, striving for different types of love, ever make each other truly happy? Did it have to end this way?


How long do these growing pains hurt? 

Can my 40 year-old self just give my 26 year-old self a call? Let me know how it all turns out, okay?



autumn said...

my hubs and I have quite the 'story' and history. . . addiction and near loss of our love. And these questions are ones I think about all.the.time.

When everything was falling apart but I knew we would stay together I girded myself up to have a love that was cold and secure but less than light or thrilling. I have to remind myself sometimes to live in what the reality of my marriage is now and not in my dismal expectation. Marriage now is... delightful. Light and full of butterflies and kisses but also diapers and ugly sweats. Were hitting a stride where we both have the same expectations and are starting to 'get it'- but I am not so fool as so think that this will last, it is the season we are in. One that is in sync- overflowing with intimacy and stolen glances, long conversations and the getting lost in each other. Praise God! We have needed this time SO desperately!
Thank you for asking these questions. . . they make me feel less jaded for thinking them.
ps. sorry I wrote a novel, and I am loving your blog.

Eve said...

How are you only 26 Carly? I have almost 10 years on you and 11 years of marriage under my belt and can tell you only this - You will always ask these questions. And the fact that you will is evidence that you care - you care to grow, change, stand your ground, fight, make up, and everything in between. Because with each "season" (as the previous commenter wrote), something old peels away and under is something new and stronger and even better. Love your writing!

Eva said...

awesome post, thank you for going there!

Yellowbird said...

Thank you ladies, just needed to purge these from my brain in order to get some sleep. : )

And Eve, I'll be 27 in 31 days, thank-you-very-much.

jorjiapeach said...

dang. tough stuff.

kelly* said...

i just randomly found your blog and this post was amazing. your courage for asking the questions out loud is phenomenal. Love goes through stages, romantic take my breath away love can't last forever, you need that companionate "he's my best friend" love to make a marriage last...or so my sources tell me. i hope you are well and your little boy is a cutie pie!