Hello. I seem to have fallen into a pit somehow. But I've wallowed here long enough and decided that today would be the day to climb out. I guess nothing sums up my emotions lately more then the word "blah." I had a great Christmas that involved closure in a major part of my life. It was enough to really give me an adrenaline rush for days. Then I guess it ended.... and I haven't been able to pick back up again. I don't really feel like writing, or painting, or talking, or bathing for that matter. But from working in behavior therapy, I know that when a task (ie: life) seems too overwhelming it is important to break it down into itty-bitty baby steps first.
So today I'm inching along in life by writing this here blog post.
Yesterday we closed the door on 2010. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I had big hopes for 2010. It was my first full year of being a mom. I graduated college. We survived our first year in the midwest. I guess some part of me was still holding out hope that something truly awesome was going to come along in the last weeks of December. That somehow something would happen to turn the ugly mess of 2010 into one big happy memory. That some miracle was going to swoop down from the sky and give me the redemption that I feel is somehow owed to me. But that didn't happen. I guess I feel cheated that I ran out of time to make the year better. Now I'm suck with an overall yuckie reaction when I look back on 2010.
So I guess the only thing to do now is put my chin to my chest and push forward into 2011. If I was really brave I would say that in 2011 I hope to find the perfect balance of work/parenting/happiness. Because the idea of continuing my current life/schedule for another full year makes me want to pluck out all of my arm hairs. I also would say that I want to find some meaningful friendships this year. I might even be really daring and say that I want to be really happy with my life once again.
But I'm not feeling brave or daring. So I'm not making any of those things my resolution for 2011. Instead I'm choosing something safe. Something I feel that I have some control over.
I hereby solemnly swear, in a resolute fashion that I, Carly, will learn how to cook this year. I will try new methods and recipes and I will find success. I will create recipes that will become traditions in my little family. I will mainly focus on vegetarian cooking, but I might give myself the ultimate challenge of cooking meat here-and-there (meat and I have a very poor history when it comes to me being responsible for making it edible.)