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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Que Joni Mitchell

This week marks our one year anniversary of moving to the Great Plains. Of all the things I was worried about when we moved here I did not expect the shattering of my marriage to be the top memory of this last year. I remember watching a documentary about a man who walks around the US dressed as Jesus (he has been doing it for over 10 years now). He does not bring anything with him other then a bible. He relies on the goodwill of those around him to feed and clothe him. He spreads the gospel to anyone he comes across. During the documentary a young man asks him the question, "Why does God allow bad things to happen?" His response is that, in his opinion, God only allows bad things to happen when the sum total result of the situation will somehow bring about more good in the world. The idea of this was really inspiring to me. I've never really thought of bad situations from that perspective before. But I can say that along those lines the major quote from my last year would be that old overused song lyric "You don't know what you've got 'til its gone."

A year ago when we moved here I was looking forward to having more time with my husband. I knew that as we both were plucked from all of our friendships in California we would have to rely on each other more then ever. I knew that I loved him, and I was excited to start moving out of the cloud of craziness that comes along with having a newborn. I was excited to have his full attention and the opportunity to reconnect with him.  But because of everything that has happened in the last year I now know what it is like to face the reality of what my life would be like without him. I took a test drive in that lifestyle and experienced the accompanying pain in the bottom of my soul. But I survived...So I guess you can say that I already can see how this horrible situation has brought about more good in my world. I'm even going to venture out there and say that I'm glad it happened.

Another wedding gift I painted this week for a friend in Minnesota. 
Inspired by my own experiences
"Life without love is like a tree without blossom or fruit."

The other half of my immense learning experience in this last year revolves around the women in my life. Never before have I been in such a situation to really bare my deepest fears and the reality of my situation with those around me. It was extremely hard at first to let everyone in on the fact that my life isn't as perfect as they might have thought it was. To remove the facade of a happy marriage and reveal the emotions of feeling like the most unlovable person on the planet was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But I found that the women in my life really truly went the distance to pick up the pieces of my heart. And 90% of their support was done over the phone or online. I thought it would be too hard to let my friends in on my new "singles" lifestyle when they were so far away geography. But no matter the time zone they let me talk, vent, or cry until I was able to sleep. I've never had friends prove their love for me in such a way before. Times like these really create the bonds that will make these girls my lifelong sisters. I only hope that someday I can return the favor. Even though I'm thousands of miles away from the fine ladies I call my friends, I've never felt closer to them. 

A friend told me about this UCLA study where recent research has found that women don't actually have the natural "fight or flight" response to stress. Instead, we are hardwired to essentially "nest or talk" our way out of stress. We clean something, or call up a friend to talk about our bad day. The research found that women with strong close friendships were healthier and lived longer then those without close friendships. With the friends that I have I'm gonna live FOREVER! 


2 comments:

RaT Babies said...

:) Love ya Carly!

Becca said...

Aw, Carly. This made me cry.