So tonight I went to a divorce support group.
(WHAT!?!?!? Huh, you ask? *bug eyes popping out of head* HUH??? YOU....? Divorce??!!!! What? *scratching head* YOU??? Yes, dear beloved readers I am just as shocked as you are. Believe me.)
So to say that "a lot has changed" in the last two months would be the understatement of the millennium. I don't want to go into too much personal detail here on the world wide web- but no, I didn't see it coming. No, I can not control the actions of my spouse. No, I didn't see it coming. Again I repeat, I didn't see it coming!! No, we hadn't been "having problems" or fighting. No, it isn't final. No, I didn't see it coming.
Now that we have all that out of the way we can talk about the really good stuff. *A-hem*
Eight years ago my mother drove me out to California to drop me off in the land of my dreams. On her tearful flight back to Nebraska she sat next to a businesswoman who worked in the medical industry. My mom shared her story of how she had just dropped me off to let me stretch my wings. The woman shared with my mom how she was a traveling single mother of four. By the end of the flight my mom had given my information to the woman and they had planned out my life. They schemed that I could work as the woman's nanny to pay my way though college.
When my mom called me and told me of the plan the next day I told her she was flat out crazy. CRAY- ZEE. There was no way that I was going to call up some stranger and ask if I could work for her. Noooooo way. Besides that, I had already secured myself a different nanning job within the first few days of living in Orange County. I was going to work for a family who had an autistic son and a dance studio. What could be more comfortable to me then special needs and tap shoes?
Well, the dance studio mother called me on my first day of work and told me not to come. Her husband had wanted someone who could commit to approximately five years of work. Since I planned to travel with my dance company I had no idea how long I would be around. So they fired me, before I could even begin. A few weeks went by and my bank account got lower and lower. The scrap of paper with the businesswoman's phone number on it started looking more and more appealing. Grudgingly, I gave the businesswoman a call. She loved me. I loved her and the kids, and the rest is history.
Businesswoman "Brooke" ended up having a serious relationship with a man who had two small children. Some days I ran a household of six kids, two of which were five year old twins, and two of which were named "Sierra." (Got all that?) It was a fun time filled with backyard swimming lessons and letter-writing timeout sessions.
Fast forward to yesterday. Brooke was just as surprised as me to suddenly find herself back living in the humidity of the heartland instead of the dry Santa Ana winds of California. It's just crazy how our lives were so destined to intertwine again and again when we both need it. Recently she has told me how much of a savior I was to her at that time in her life. She was recently divorced and overwhelmed by the thought of raising her four children on her own. I waltzed into her life with my pink hair and facial piercings and she somehow saw "nanny!" I had no idea how much I had meant to her at that time.
This time around it was me reaching out to her in desperation. She set me on a path to healing. She gave me resources to know what to do in a time when I feel that there is absolutely nothing I can do. I took her information and put it in my back pocket. I thought "when I really need that support group I'll know where to look it up." Then today a totally unrelated friend "happened" to give me a link to the exact same support group. I looked at the website and the group was meeting in my Cathedral today. I don't think God could have been more direct with me if he tried. It was like getting a post-it from heaven saying "I know you are totally stunned and confused right now. You are scared and alone and you don't know where to turn. Go to the Cathedral tonight at 7:00 in room 4b. I'll be waiting for you."
So I went and I was totally filled with the Holy Spirit. I now have something to do while I sit and wait for my spouse to figure himself out. I have tools and homework and scripture readings to focus my mind and heart on when I need it most. Wow. I am just truly amazed by God's plan and how things never work out the way you expect them to. For the first time in a long time I feel like I'm in the passenger seat right where I should be. I'm letting go and just trying to enjoy the ride...